


black pearl

by YE0NJUNEEZ



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, M/M, Whipped Choi Yeonjun, acquaintances to lovers?, angst but barely, honestly this is cliche, idk u choose, they're trainees, using the choi yeonjun legendary trainee title cuz its true, yeonjun is a perfectionist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 00:35:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29909487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YE0NJUNEEZ/pseuds/YE0NJUNEEZ
Summary: yeonjun wasn't as perfect as he made himself out to be. when he finally broke, soobin was there to help pick up the pieces.
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 2
Kudos: 36





	black pearl

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first fic so pls dont expect a masterpiece :> i wrote this while i was in class, so bare w me if there are some mistakes.   
> the lyrics of black pearl- sunmi made me write this plz listen to it hehe

From an outsider's perspective, Choi Yeonjun was perfect. He was everything that people wanted to be. He was #1 in every category, ranging from dancing to rapping and singing. Along with this, he was no doubt one of the strongest visuals amongst the trainees and had an aura that was simultaneously intimidating and warm. Everyone had a very fixed positive perception on the boy. It was impossible to dislike Yeonjun. He was kind, helpful, and no doubt going to debut for his immense talent. From the outside, it looked like the brown haired boy had everything. Hell, he wasn't given the title of "BigHit's Legendary Trainee" for nothing.

Despite all of this, Yeonjun felt empty. He felt like there was a void inside of him. An unmistakeable black hole carved through his chest. It was unmistakeable for him, at least. Every minor mistake he made would carve itself in the back of his mind, permanently imprinting itself. Everyone saw him as perfect, but he could refute that opinion with the long list of "issues" he could pick out in both himself and his performances. Yeonjun knew why people thought of him as the "legendary trainee." He had put blood, sweat, and tears into create the perfect image for himself. He knew that from the outside, he looked like he could do nothing wrong. He did this intentionally. Though he couldn't fake his undeniable talent, but he could put on an award winning fake smile. It was easier to succeed if people didn't know how you felt. It was easier to be on top if nobody knew of your weaknesses. It was easier to be "perfect" in people's eyes if you pretended to be "perfect." Yeonjun would be lying if he said he was never happy. He had many friends and many hobbies that prevented him from basically going crazy. They didn't know how much he internally struggled and he didn't want to seem ungrateful for his life, so he felt that it was better to keep it in.

Though, late at night when he was all alone, his dark thoughts would break through the cages they were locked in. Every single insecurity he had stored away would dictate his mind until he was laying on the practice room's floor near tears at four a.m. because he couldn't get one certain dance move to be as perfect as he would like. It was times like this where Yeonjun didn't feel the need to put on a facade. Truthfully, he didn't have the energy for it either. He had been practicing for ten hours at this point and he wished he could just go to sleep like all the other trainees had done. He wished he could stop holding himself to the highest and most unattainable standards. He was already perceived as perfect, but he wanted to feel it. He wanted to truly feel like the top in every category. To be proud enough of himself that the aching in his muscles feels worth it. He continued to push himself further and harder everyday, ignoring the inevitability of him breaking. 

He stood up from the seconds long break he had given himself and looked at his disheveled appearance in the mirror. Honestly, he looked like shit. His eye bags had drooped further than what he thought was possible and his eyes were bloodshot; whether it was due to sleep deprivation or the fact that he was nearly crying, Yeonjun couldn't tell. Still, he _needed_ to get this move right. He _needed_ to be able to say he left the practice room with the choreography being perfect. He _needed_ to upkeep his flawless image because he didn't know who he was without it. He turned the music back on and took a deep breath, preparing himself to run through the moves again despite his body screaming at him to take a break. The first verse began and he had only gotten around 40 seconds into the song before everything went black.

\--

"Holy fuck, I'm so glad you're alive. I thought I was about to be falsely accused for murder." Yeonjun heard a voice speak then let out a small breath of relief.

Yeonjun tried opening his eyes, but his head was pounding with the force of a jackhammer. "What happened?" The older boy winced, forcing his eyes open to find the slightest hint to where he was or what was going on or why he felt like he was slammed in the body with a ton of bricks. He felt a hand maneuver under his back and help him sit up. Blinking the blurriness out of his eyes, he looked up into the face of the anonymous boy helping him. _Soobin,_ his brain registered. 

Yeonjun knew Soobin. they weren't really _friends_. They were more of very distant acquaintances. It wasn't that the two boys didn't get along. The boys were just on completely different sides of the spectrum. Yeonjun thrived in environments that were loud and energetic, while Soobin tried his very best to avoid those situations at all costs. Yeonjun definitely knew Soobin, though. They had worked together for group dances plenty of times and to say the younger was distracting for Yeonjun was an understatement. He could barely make eye contact with the latter without losing his train of thought. Yeonjun had it _bad,_ to put it simply. Unfortunately for him, he had thrown away the possibility of having a love life when he began training, so he swept his feelings under the rug. 

"I'm guessing you collapsed? I just heard a thud while I was coming back from buying my midnight snack." Soobin shrugged. Okay, so his worries came true. He had collapsed. He knew it was what had to have happened, but he needed the confirmation. Now that he had it, it was time to cover it up. "I'm sorry, but it's definitely way past midnight," was all Yeonjun replied. He figured his best course of action would be to change the subject. He didn't want people to worry and more importantly, he didn't want people to know he could break. "Yah! I was hungry!" Soobin slightly laughed before his eyes displayed a small glint of sadness, "It's not like you were sleeping either." Was he sad for Yeonjun? Maybe it was all an act. Maybe he was glad to see Yeonjun break. The older couldn't let his guard down. He wouldn't allow himself to, even if the other's pretty eyes and stunning dimples were slowly making him lose his concentration. "Yeonjun-ssi... If you don't mind me asking, why are you still practicing? Evaluations aren't for another few weeks." 

Okay, so clearly Yeonjun had failed at changing the subject. His brain was trying to come up with any excuses, but the situation was pretty obvious. He was overworking himself to his breaking point. Anyone could see it. He knew he looked exhausted and he had literally _collapsed._ Even if he wanted to lie, he couldn't. So, "I just wanted to get a certain move right," he settled on telling the truth in its vaguest form. He wanted to get a certain move right. He needed to get a certain move right. He needed the voice in the back of his head to be satisfied enough with the move so that he could sleep without tossing and turning. He needed to fit into the expectations he had created for himself, or else he couldn't sit still. _Yeah,_ he just wanted to get a certain move right. 

"Yeonju-" Soobin's voice was already laced in pity. He couldn't bear it. The older was genuinely embarrassed. No one had ever seen him slip up and he really hadn't intended to be seen practicing this late, let alone be found passed out. "Why would they falsely accuse you for murder?" The words rushed out, interrupting whatever the raven-haired boy was about to say. The boy looked startled for a second, then replied, "I don't know. What else would happen if they saw the best trainee... gone... and I was the only one here?" Soobin replied, eyebrows furrowing. "Soobin-ssi, you don't even have a murder weapon. Also, you couldn't take me down without getting at least one scratch. I'm calling BS on your theory."

Maybe Soobin could feel the uneasiness radiating off the other boy. He dropped the previous subject and humored the older. "Really? You think I can't take you on?" He challenged, with a smirk growing on his lips. Yeonjun only shook his head and replied, "Height doesn't equal strength, Soobin-ah." Soobin-ah. He really didn't mean to let it slip. He stumbled over his words, "I meant 'Soobin-ssi', I'm sor-" Soobin only giggled and said, "There's no reason to be so formal, Yeonjun.. hyung?" Yeonjun just nodded, a slight grin on his face. It was a slight change, but the older felt his chest grow warm. Soobin had that effect. A warm aura. A comforting tone. Even if Yeonjun wanted to push him away, to keep to himself, he didn't have the heart to.

It wasn't like they were strangers. They had spoken multiple times, yet they always found themselves tiptoeing around each other. There was an unspoken comfort between them. It was easy to slip up around each other. To stare a little too long. To say a little too much. To be a little too casual, as if they had known each other for eternity. Yet, neither of them seemed to acknowledge it. At least Yeonjun didn't want to acknowledge it. He liked Soobin. He didn't deny it. He also didn't deny that having feelings for someone would mean having to open up. To share his actual feelings and all that. He knew Soobin was comfortable with the version of "Yeonjun" that he had created, but he couldn't bare to burden the boy with his real thoughts. His real personality. He didn't want to get close to the boy only to scare him off. Therefore, he repressed anything he felt for the younger.

"Okay, so... Yeonjun-hyung." He started. "You've clearly practiced enough for tonight. Do you want to share my 'way past midnight' snack? I was going to share it with my roommates, but you seem to need it more." Yeonjun held his hand up to nicely decline so he could continue practicing, but couldn't get a word out before Soobin added, "It's not a question by the way. You're going to eat some of my midnight snack because you _need_ to." The older knew the latter was worried about him. He saw the way his face held an unsure expression, yet he worded things as nicely as possible to ensure Yeonjun wasn't uncomfortable.

Soobin stood up and walked over to the table where he had placed the takeout. He placed it down on the practice room floor and sat across from Yeonjun. "Isn't this more of a midnight buffet?" He inquired while looking at the food ranging from an unusually large container of tteokbokki to an equally large container of ice cream. "I never intended it eat it all by myself!" He laughed, shaking his head and taking the tops off the containers.

Yeonjun felt odd when he was with Soobin. He had noticed that every time he was near the boy, time felt slower. He felt like he needed to bask in every second of the other's presence. He never wanted to stop seeing his dimples or his smile that went up to his eyes. If he wasn't so whipped for the boy, he probably would've resented him. He seemed to be so genuinely happy all the time. Soobin was the definition of an open book. He was comforting and kind and people naturally opened up to him. The same way that everyone loved Yeonjun, everyone loved Soobin. Only, Soobin was capable of showing people his real emotions. His real self. Yeonjun wished he was wired like that. He wished he didn't search for underlying threats in everyone's voice. He wished he didn't think of his vulnerability as a weakness. He wished he could make a simple mistake and brush over it with ease the way Soobin did during practices. 

Yeonjun somewhat envied the boy, but he was a slave to his feelings for him. He felt too comfortable around him. Yeonjun didn't like it. He hated that the younger made him lose his grip on his emotions. Hence, why he would distance himself from the younger. Yet, here they were, sat on the practice room floor at who-knows-what-time A.M., indulging in what was essentially a feast for Yeonjun, who didn't even know when he last ate. Honestly, Yeonjun was a little grateful for Soobin's presence. Though he was a bit on edge, at least he wasn't focusing on how terrible he felt both emotionally and physically. 

They fell into a silence for a while. Eventually, Soobin sighed and quietly spoke, "You know, there's no reason to push yourself so hard." Yeonjun didn't reply, opting to play with the sleeves of his sweater. "Hyung, you don't need to explain, but I don't understand why you're being so hard on yourself. You're making yourself miserable for no reason."

Yeonjun was good at containing his emotions around people. He had successfully hid everything from everyone for so long. He wasn't sure why such a simple statement was able to break through the walls he spent such a long time building around himself. Maybe it was just Soobin's aura that made him finally break. Maybe the small cracks that he had gathered in the past years finally overwhelmed him enough to cause him to shatter. Yeonjun only looked up at Soobin with tears threatening their way out of his eyes. To be so publicly vulnerable was new for him, so he didn't really know what to do.

He just wanted to sob. He wanted to be understood and held and told that it would be okay. 

As if he could read the older's mind, that's exactly what Soobin did. He immediately grabbed Yeonjun's hand, silently asking for consent to hug him. Once Yeonjun nodded, he wasted no time in pulling him into his arms. Yeonjun had so many emotions pent up inside of him that he felt like he was on fire. He nearly squeezed Soobin to death, gripping hard on his t-shirt, and sobbed until he couldn't anymore. The younger ran his hands through the other boy's hair and repeated, "It's okay, I'm here. You don't have to pretend around me. I understand." in barely audible whispers. 

After an unknown amount of time, the brown-haired boy calmed down a bit, but continued to hug the taller. "Sorry for getting your shirt all wet." He whispered into Soobin's ear. He felt him giggle before replying, "I think I'll live, hyung." He pulled away from the hug and tried to look at Yeonjun, but the boy was covering his face with his hands. "Please don't look at me. I really can't be seen like this." He was making the sentence overdramatic just to ease the tension, yet Soobin obliged. "Are you feeling better?" He asked while making a point to look at the roof. 

Yeonjun wanted to hate Soobin. He hated how thoughtful he was. He hated how easy it was to be honest with him. Hell, the boy was staring at the roof just to make Yeonjun comfortable even if wasn't that serious. This was the moment it hit him. Choi Soobin was perfect. In Yeonjun's eyes, he was the ideal person. He was the first person that Yeonjun could talk to without feeling like he was faking some sort of persona. He didn't feel like he was putting on someone else's personality when he spoke. In such a short span of time, Yeonjun felt more himself than he had in years.

The older only stared in disbelief at Soobin. He said nothing, just simply looked at the boy. He was still overwhelmed with emotions. Finding the answer to such a simple question was nearly rocket science. He wasn't okay. He didn't know if he felt better or not. He couldn't even focus on how he felt. Soobin was like a distracting, fleeting moment of peace. For a moment, he genuinely felt drugged. He felt like someone had spoon-fed him a love potion. If he had any doubts concerning his feelings for the boy, they were out the window.

After receiving only silence to his question, Soobin looked down at Yeonjun. He waved his hand in front of his face to break him out of his trance. "Hyung? Oh god, did I break you." Yeonjun blinked extra hard for a second and blurted out, "How are you _so... perfect_?" He hadn't meant to. At this point, he was so tired it made sense that he was starting to lose his grip. His eyes widened, realizing he had actually said _that_ out loud. Before he could apologize, he registered the pink growing on the younger's cheeks. He noticed the flustered look on the other's face and couldn't find it in him to regret what he said. In fact, he regretted not saying it sooner. He swore he could stare at the pink on Soobin's cheeks for the rest of his life.

Genuinely about to answer such a rhetorical question, Soobin started, "I-I... um.. I-" Yeonjun cut him off before he could say whatever he was attempting to get out. The embarrassment in his own straightforwardness was beginning to hit. "Sorry, I- I'm really tired. I probably shouldn't have said that." He quickly muttered, combing his fingers through his hair just so he had something to do with his hands. "Ah it's okay, hyung. I'll leave you to go to your dorm then?" The raven-haired boy asked, sounding a little disappointed.

He was about to agree, but something in him told him not to. He didn't want to be alone. More specifically, he wanted to stay with Soobin. He didn't care if he looked eager. Hell, he _was_ eager. Something about Soobin made him feel alive. He felt like a real, living person. He felt like Choi Yeonjun. Not "BigHit's Legendary Trainee," not the perfect robot he had made himself pretend to be. He felt like the actual Choi Yeonjun. The Yeonjun that he thought was lost for good after years of staring in the mirror and not seeing himself in the reflection. He was in a dark, dark tunnel and could finally make out the tiny sliver of light at the end. 

"I-um- Actually, I was wondering if... if its okay with you- Can I go to your dorm... I don't really- I don't wanna be alone." Yeonjun managed to stutter out after a bit. The blush on Soobin's cheeks deepened to an even redder tone. "Yeah, of course, hyung." The younger accepted, a smile playing on his lips.

They both gathered their things and prepared to leave. Once Yeonjun met him by the door, Soobin reached out and took his hand in his. They said nothing, but both of them knew this was how it should be. They were supposed to be like this. It was written in the stars that they should be like this. For the first time in what felt like centuries, Yeonjun didn't feel lost. He was still far from being okay. He wouldn't be for a long time, but staring at his hand entangled in Soobin's, he felt like he was finally making progress. He felt like he was finally moving forward. 

Choi Yeonjun could run forever as long as Choi Soobin was by his side.


End file.
